Executives routinely let quotes they wouldn't utter in an empty room go into news releases which are blasted out to every corner of the industry. You see inane quotes every day on the news wires and corporate Web sites. They start out "We are delighted …" "We are thrilled …" "We are pleased …" And end with more irrelevant happy talk. After a while, you start to wonder if you've wandered into a rerun of Regis & Kathy Lee.
Readers of news releases don't care if you're delighted, thrilled or pleased. They read to learn about your company and its products, not your emotional status. Effective quotes should inform them.
Good quotes can influence a reader's perception of a company. Quotes can illuminate, summarize, frame a subject and deliver company messages that might stick out in narrative copy, but look perfectly at home between quotation marks. They can help executives build a distinctive style and tone. They should not, however, make you look stiff and unreal. Avoiding that trap simply takes a little thought beyond the conventional.
First, a little compare and contrast. Does this style of writing sound familiar?
"We are delighted to be working with such a world-class organization as Acme Corp. Our synergistic experience creates a win-win for companies and customers seeking best-of-breed solutions," said Buck Wing, vice president of technology at JoeCo Inc.
This quote was adapted from an actual release on PR Newswire, with a few key facts changed to protect the innocent. Besides starting with one of the Kathy Lee phrases, this quote abuses buzzwords, contains no specific information and bores the reader into paralysis. How about something that focuses on the customer?
"We've been with Acme in more than 30 joint projects in the last year, so it's clear customers want us to work together," said Buck Wing, vice president of technology at JoeCo Inc. "Now, rather then maintaining separate relationships with two vendors, one company will act as the lead on joint products to make it easier on customers."
Adding one factual nugget – the 30 joint products – shifts the quote from empty to substantive.
Here's something more substantial than the first sample, but just as useless:
"Our multi-tier architecture has been developed to maximize host network bandwidth for application workloads on multi-tiered networks," said Buck Wing, vice president of technology at JoeCo. Inc. "We are pleased to be offering multi-tier switching solutions that advance the scalability of networking platforms for multi-trunked LANs."
Again, key facts were altered to protect the offending party, but the spirit of emptiness remains – unfortunately. People making buying decisions these days – CEOs and CFOs – don't care about this techno-drool. Instead, think of who you're trying to reach and speak at their level:
"Wringing top performance from a network is as easy as plugging in one of our switches," said Buck Wing, vice president of technology at JoeCo. Inc. "Most companies think they need more bandwidth for major projects like integrating big applications, but buying more bandwidth is throwing money out the window. Our switches give them the full mileage from bandwidth they've already bought."
Follow four easy guidelines to write more effective news release quotes:
- Don't run off at the mouth. Two-to-three sentences is plenty.
- Nix the clichés. Write the way you talk.
- Talk about business benefits and save technical details for the narrative.
- The acid test: Say it aloud and ask yourself "if I said this in a crowded room, would I be embarrassed?" If the answer is yes, write it again until it sounds real and has meaningful content.
